Play Me (Jaded Ivory Book 5) Read online

  “Nothing,” I scoffed. “I would’ve done absolutely nothing.”

  She flinched at my words. Not that it stopped her as she jumped up, moving behind her chair and pressed on. “No, that’s what this Jackson would do. I want to know what old Jackson would do.” She gripped the back until her knuckles turned white. “He’s still in there somewhere. What would he have done?”

  I thought about that for a moment. Was she right? Was I answering based on what I knew happened or would I have really done nothing?

  No.

  Pushing aside everything that had happened since she left, I thought about what I would have done seven years ago. Conversations of moving in together, of getting married floated through my mind. The more memories of our time together came to the surface, the more the answer became obvious.

  “I would have tried to help. Old me would have done anything I could for you. What’s your point?” I snapped, uncomfortable with the emotions she was bringing to the surface. Emotions I’d ignored for years when it came to her.

  “I’m not there yet. What could you have done? The school wouldn’t listen to a single letter or phone call I made.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know, but I know I would have done anything to keep us together, dammit.” I smashed my fist on the table. “Unlike you, who ran when things got tough.”

  “I didn’t run,” she whispered, her voice a deadly calm. “I made the decision that was best for both of us.”

  “Best for both…” I sputtered. “How could you say that? It wasn’t even your decision to make.”

  “Oh no? One last question. Would you have stayed at Greenville for another year and a half while I was back east?”

  “No,” I snapped. Of course I wouldn’t leave her to struggle on her own.

  She stopped pacing and whirled around to face me, throwing her hands up in the air. “Exactly.”

  As our words penetrated the anger riding me, I froze. The realization that seven years ago, I would have followed her back east had she told me she was staying there dawned on me. With the knowledge that I would have nothing I have today, I had a hard time pulling full breath into my lungs.

  The band formed after Megan left.

  Mari, Heath, and Sawyer would be people I knew because of my old college roommate. No music. No songs.

  No Jaded Ivory.

  “How could you have known what would happen?” I whispered, lifting my gaze to connect with hers.

  There was a hint of a smile at the corner of her lips as she took her seat. “I didn’t, but I never stopped believing you’d find your success someday. And Aiden and Monty were the best way for you to do that. He might be completely insane, but I know Monty’s one of the best song writers out there. You had a better chance with him.” She sighed. “You didn’t need to suffer for my mistakes the same way I did.”

  Years of anger, hatred, resentment faded away with her words, leaving me unsure and confused. For so long I carried those emotions with me like a blanket and to have them yanked away in one quick tug, I didn’t know what to think.

  Thankfully, the waiter interrupted our conversation by bringing dinner, giving me the opportunity to regroup. No longer hungry, my stomach protested at the scent of food.

  Seemed Megan wasn’t either as she focused on me instead of touching the food in front of her.

  “I don’t…I don’t know what to say.”

  She gave me a sad smile. “There’s nothing you have to say. I made the choices I made and besides going to the party that night and hurting you, I don’t regret a single one. After, watching everything you’ve achieved over the years, I only regret not calling you because of the hurt it caused.”

  I reached across the table and brushed my fingers over her hand as it lay on the table. “Knowing why you did it goes a long way to making up for it.”

  We sat in silence for a while, just watching each other, absorbing everything I learned so far. Eventually Megan picked up her fork and I followed her lead. I mainly pushed the food around my plate. Something still bothered me.

  “Why the army?” I asked, glancing at the picture on the table.

  She picked up her napkin to dab her lips and sat back. “Simple. It was the only way for me to finish my nursing degree.”

  Things were starting to click into place. I remembered how hard she worked to keep straight As. And the nursing program wasn’t easy. Anything to keep her scholarship and get her dream job. The army would pay for her tuition when she left.

  “Where did you finish your degree when you left the army?”

  “I didn’t. The training in the army gave me the certifications I needed for nursing outside of the army.”

  I lifted my fork to my mouth.

  “And technically, I’m still in the army.”

  My hand froze halfway to my lips. “What do you mean you’re still in the army?”

  “I finished my four years then joined the army reserve.”

  I ran a hand through my hair. “What does that mean?” I knew next to nothing about the military. Maybe I should’ve, but my plans always revolved around music.

  “For one weekend a month and two weeks a year, I still work for the military.”

  I shook my head, not understanding why she would make that decision. “If you finished your four years and had already become a nurse, why would you sign up for more?”

  She set her fork down and reached for the envelope. Once I slid it over to her, she picked it up and took out the pictures. “These people became my family. A family just as important as the ones I left on back home. The army needs nurses and for the people who gave me my life back, what’s thirty-eight days out of a year?”

  I could see her point. The army had helped her to achieve her goals. “It’s something you’ll never be able to repay?” I asked but didn’t actually expect an answer.

  She sighed. “You’re right. It’s not.”

  For seven years I hated everything about the woman in front of me. A woman who fought like hell to get back everything she lost. A woman who’d walked away from me without a word, only so I could have the career of my dreams. The food in my stomach started to sour.

  “Megan…” I began.

  She shook her head and lifted a hand. “Don’t. I can’t blame you for the way you felt about me. Hell, if our roles were reversed, I can guarantee I would have believed the same things. Acted the same way. I hurt you. You had a right to be hate me.”

  “You didn’t hurt me because you wanted to,” I said.

  “No. I didn’t want your dreams ruined because mine were.”

  The selflessness I’d fell for the first time I met Megan was still there. I should have known it was there all along. She’d always done everything she could to help others. It was how I knew she’d be the perfect nurse someday. We couldn’t go back. The only thing we could do was change the future.

  “Where do we go from here?”

  She peered up at me through her lashes. “We enjoy our dinner and go back to living our lives. And I hope that after our talk you’re able to forgive me.”

  I froze. “Why wouldn’t I forgive you?”

  “If there’s one thing I learned from the army, it’s that nothing is guaranteed.”

  I pushed up on the chair, fully expecting to get up and wrap her in my arms. Fuck. Monty was right. I could be such an asshole. Pain shot up my leg and I dropped back into the chair.

  “Don’t get up.” She stood and came around to look down at the boot. “Has the swelling gone down?”

  Absorbed in watching her move into nurse mode, I didn’t answer her immediately. She started unstrapping the brace to check.

  “A little.”

  She lightly touched the side of my ankle. “Doesn’t look too bad. Probably need more ice. What did the orthopedist say?”

  I reached for her hand, pulling her over to me. I kept her hand in mine, rubbing my thumb along the back of it. “That I need to keep the boot on for another two weeks and then
come back and see him for the next step.”

  Color raced to her cheeks and a shy smile lit her face. “That’s not too bad.”

  “No, it’s not. Megan.” She shook her head, but I continued anyway. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you at the movies and at the hospital. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

  Her eyes shimmered. “I’m the one trying to apologize to you.”

  “You already have. But I’m hoping we could be at least be friends instead of going back to our lives, pretending we don’t know each other.”

  She took a step back, effectively removing her hand from my grip, and returned to her seat.

  “I’m not sure that would work, Jackson. I don’t even know what to do with all of this.” She gestured around the room. “My life is boring compared to yours. I’ve seen the places you’ve—” She clamped her mouth shut as she realized what she’d just revealed.

  “You’ve seen the places I’ve been?” I smirked. “Have you been stalking me, Megan?”

  She wadded up her napkin and threw it across the table at me, her eyes widening as it left her fingertips. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I just did that.”

  I couldn’t stop the laugh that left my lips. And it only grew when her giggles turned into full laughs of her own. It was something that had been missing from my life for too long.

  Yes, Mari and the guys knew how to make me laugh, but there was something freeing and refreshing about laughing with Megan over something so ridiculous. It had always been that way with us. And I’d missed it.

  As our laughter died down, I leaned forward, holding her gaze. “You know this stuff means nothing to me. It’s just money, but being able to laugh like that, that’s worth a whole lot more.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You can’t tell me you don’t laugh at Monty.”

  “It’s not the same as laughing with you.”

  The pink hit her cheeks again. I found myself wanting to know more about her life over the last seven years. The pictures sat on the table. I picked one of them up and handed it to her.

  “Tell me about your time in the military.”

  “It’s not as glamorous as playing for thousands of people each night.”

  “No, but it’s probably more important. I would really like to know about that time in your life.”

  12

  Megan

  What did I even tell him about that time of my life? None of it was glamorous, all of it hard work, but it was my life.

  “It wasn’t easy.”

  “I’m sure it wasn’t.” He picked up the picture and turned it to face me. “But it couldn’t have all been bad. You’re smiling here.”

  My fingers traced over the faces in the photo. Of all the photos he could have chosen to ask me about, he chose the one with the hardest memories, but with some of the people who meant the most to me. My breath hitched as I tried to hold myself together. “I should have known you’d pick that photo.” I lifted my head. “Out of the twelve people in that photo only seven of them are still alive.”

  He waved a dismissive hand. “You don’t have to tell me.”

  “I want to tell you.” And I really did. “Just not sure I can without…”

  He covered my hand with his. “It’s okay. Tell me about a different picture. You choose.”

  I lifted another photo off the table. The one of us standing in front of a tank. We all looked ready to take on the world. If only we’d known what we’d be facing once we left and headed into the desert.

  “This was taken the week before my first deployment.” My mind wandered back to a time when life seemed simple. When the worst thing I’d seen on base was the flu or a sprained ankle. “We’d survived basic training and had been on base for about six months before they told us we were heading overseas.”

  He shook his head. “Sorry, I just can’t imagine you in the army.” When I narrowed my eyes at him, he lifted his hands and continued. “I know that you were, but of all the things I thought you’d done when you left, that wasn’t one that had even popped up on my radar.”

  “Honestly, it wasn’t something I ever thought about either. But it gave me a way to achieve my goals.”

  “What did your parents think about you joining the army?”

  “Neither of them was happy about it, but I think my dad was the more vocal of the two. They tried to convince me to go to night school, but without a job I couldn’t even afford that. It wasn’t until I was deployed that my mom really lost it.”

  “Was it hard being over there?”

  I took a sip of my drink, letting it wash away the bitter thoughts trying to take over my head. “Some days were harder than others. Not getting to see your family for over a year is tough. Then there’s seeing the soldiers you know coming in wounded.”

  “Megan…”

  The room before me blurred and I gave my head a shake. “You don’t want to hear about that. Tell me about life on the road. What’s Monty like?”

  His eyes searched mine and I wondered if he’d let it go. I really hoped he would. A smirk lifted the corner of his lips as he thankfully changed the topic. “Exactly like you think he is. A pain in the ass.”

  “I still can’t believe he got married.” A frown marred Jackson’s brow. “What is it?”

  “It’s just…if I had known then what I know now, I wonder if things would have gone differently when Monty brought Allana here to meet us.”

  “You didn’t trust her because of what I did?”

  He lifted his gaze to mine. “How did you know?”

  “I broke your trust when I walked away without a word. How could you not question everyone, especially when Monty wakes up married to a woman none of you knew?”

  He ran a hand down his face. “Asshole will never learn to behave himself.”

  “Of that, I have no doubt. I’ve seen some of the trouble he’s gotten himself into.”

  Jackson scoffed. “That’s only part of it. You should see some of the shit Reagan managed to keep out of the papers.”

  Jackson launched into story after story of Monty and things he’d done while they were on tour. Some things never changed.

  A few hours and a few drinks later, I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up out of me. Jackson knew how to bring a smile to my face, even after dealing with some of the painful memories from my past. He smiled and lifted his beer to his lips. His gaze darted over my shoulder, the bottle freezing halfway to his mouth.

  I glanced back and saw Heath standing in the doorway.

  “Sorry for interrupting. I wanted to make sure everything was okay. You’ve been in here awhile.”

  Jackson smirked. “You mean, you wanted to make sure Megan hadn’t left and I sat in here by myself to avoid telling you that.”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  I reached into my bag to grab my phone. Eleven at night. We’d been sitting there for about three hours.

  “I can’t believe how late it is.”

  Jackson turned his wrist to look at his watch. “Eleven, wow. I thought we’d only been here for a little more than an hour.”

  “When you’re having fun and all that.” I laughed.

  “Very true.”

  I dropped my phone back into my bag. “I really do need to get going, though. I have to work tomorrow morning.”

  “Still an early riser, I see?” He chuckled.

  Jackson knew I hated getting up in the morning. Not that my life up to this point had given me much of a choice. Most of my jobs required me to get up early.

  “You know it.” I winked. I wrapped my hand around my wallet. “How much do I owe you for dinner?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t even think about it. Tonight is my treat.”

  “Jackson,” I started to argue.

  “Nope. I may have not understood at the time, but I wouldn’t have been here without some of the choices you made. The least I can do is pay for dinner.”

  For the briefest of seconds, I thought about arguing, t
hen I remembered Jackson’s stubbornness. No way would I win the argument.

  “Thank you.” I stood from my seat and walked around the table to hand Jackson his crutches.

  “I really hate these things,” he said, using them to push himself up from the chair.

  “I know, but it’s better than surgery. A bit longer of a tear and you would’ve been in a boot for months, not just a few weeks.”

  “Thank God for small favors then.”

  He crutched over until we met Heath at the entrance to the room.

  “Did you two have a nice chat?” he asked with an exaggerated smile.

  Jackson rolled his eyes. “Yes, you ass. Now, let’s get Megan to her car so she can get home.”

  Heath’s eyes bounced back and forth between us, then his eyes brightened. “I’d be happy to. Bill has been taken care of.” Heath turned to me and offered his arm. “Shall we?”

  “Laying it on a little thick, aren’t we?” Jackson teased.

  “Maybe.”

  “You’re nothing like I expected,” I said. In all the posts and interviews I’d seen of them over the years, Heath had always been the more reserved one of the group. Outside of Jackson at least.

  “Oh, no?” His tone rose on the last word.

  “No, you always seemed quieter.”

  Jackson chuckled again. It was nice to hear his laugh again. “Oh, I forgot to mention, Megan’s been stalking us.”

  Heath watched me, a smirk forming on his lips. “I think I’d call it research.”

  “Yes,” I agreed. “That’s exactly what it was. Research.”

  “Sure. If that’s what you want to call it.” I could see Jackson trying not to laugh as he said it.

  We walked out the front door. Heath took my valet ticket and handed them both to the valet. A cool breeze raced over my skin. It was a relief from the heat of the summer day.

  While we waited for the cars to arrive, I turned to Jackson. “Thank you for meeting me. I know you didn’t want to, but I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders finally.”