Forgiven (Forgiven Series) Read online

  I shook my head. “I’m not sure he’ll listen but I’ll try anything.”

  “We have a workout today for an hour and a half. But if you get to the practice field at five-thirty, we should be done by then. Coach always makes us do sprints on the practice field after we lift.” He nodded encouragingly.

  “Great, thanks Josh.” I smiled gratefully.

  “Don’t thank me yet,” he replied with a wink.

  After my showdown with Angie I had to get away and think. I knew I’d been an asshole, but she brought out feelings in me I was not ready to face. I headed to the food court to eat. I needed time to think. I pulled out my iPod and hit play, I found that music helped me focus and calmed me down—it had always had that effect on me.

  You’ll get what you deserve Jacobs.

  Flashes of that night came back to me. Remembering the screams and the look in those brown eyes as they slipped away from me always sent me to a place I didn’t want to be. It had been a long time since I had this type of reaction during the day—usually it was at night when I was alone that the memories overtook me. The problem was Angie’s eyes brought all of the memories rushing to the surface. I hadn’t seen eyes like hers since that night.

  Fuck, what was I going to do? The reality was that I was going to have to find a way to complete this assignment. With my scholarship I couldn’t afford to fail. I knew Rutledge wasn’t going to change her mind, but I just wasn’t sure if I could finish the assignment on my own. What concerned me just as much as Angie’s eyes, was the reaction my body had to touching her. As much as I wanted to run away, part of me wanted to grab her and kiss her until we were both breathless, right there in the classroom. But I couldn’t get involved with anyone, especially not Angie, I couldn’t look at her without the memories crashing over me, and I was not going to bring anyone else into my fucked up shit.

  I grabbed a coffee and just sat, stuck in my own world. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been sitting there but when I eventually checked my watch, I realized it was almost time for our workout. Coach had become a real ass about making sure we were in shape, but we did have a pretty shitty season. Then again, maybe a workout was just what I needed. I could work all of the anxiety out of my system, and then try to figure out what to do about this mess.

  I still had my headphones in so I didn’t hear Josh come up behind me. When he slapped me on the back, I sprang to my feel, pulling the headphones out of my ears as I did so.

  “Shit, what the fuck was that for?” I asked.

  “For not believing I’d show up today,” He responded with a laugh.

  “Well miracles happen every day. You better look out for Coach, he’s gonna chew your ass out for missing workouts and class.”

  “I know, I’ll hide from him as long as possible,” he said as he took a closer look at me. “Dude, you look like shit. You feeling alright?”

  I sighed, “Yeah man, it’s been a long morning.”

  “I heard.”

  “You heard? How they hell did you hear about it?” I said, feeling even more like the asshole that I was.

  “Angie’s in my English lit class. She wanted me to put in a good word, but I told her that we don’t get involved in each other’s personal shit.”

  “Put in good word…I don’t get it? I was a total asshole to her.”

  “Apparently, she cares more about her grades than having to put up with your asshole tendencies. Look…” Josh let out a long sigh and scrubbed his face with his palms. “I’m not going to ask what the problem is, I can only tell you that I’ve worked with her before and she’s amazing.”

  “I’m sure she is.” He had no idea how amazing I thought she was. She was gorgeous, and the fantasies about the things I wanted to do to her were not something I would admit out loud. Unfortunately, that’s all they would ever be…fantasies.

  As we walked into the gym I heard Coach yell out, “Walker, get your ass in here!”

  “So much for staying hidden,” I laughed.

  “Fuck. Well, better to get it over with sooner rather than later,” Josh lamented.

  “See ya in there and good luck,” I said as I headed into the locker room to change. Most of the guys were already there.

  “Oh, come on you can’t tell me she is totally not fuckable. She’s hot as hell,” Andrew called out to Nick.

  I threw my bag down on the nearest bench and started to pull out my gear. “Who are you guys talking about?” I asked.

  “Emily Halliday. Man she is fucking hot. But Nicki here says he wouldn’t do her if he had the chance,” Andrew answered.

  “Shut the fuck up asshole,” Nick yelled. “And if you call me Nicki one more time, I’m going to beat the living shit out of you,” Nick said with pure anger in his eyes.

  “Awww, come on don’t be mad.” Andrew fake pouted at Nick, and I couldn’t help but laugh. This was exactly what I needed.

  “You go fuck Emily if you want, I’m more interested in her best friend,” Nick said, a faraway look on his face, and we all knew what he was really thinking about.

  Trying to forget the morning I’d had I asked, “Who’s her best friend?”

  Josh walked in at that moment and answered my question. “Angie Powers.”

  Nick smiled even wider. “Fuck, now she’s hot. I’d like to bend her over my bed.” Rage coursed through my veins like acid. Josh must have seen the look on my face because before I knew it he was right next to me.

  “Calm down,” he whispered as he looked at me. I realized that my hands were clenched into fists at my side.

  What the fuck was that? Why would I care who Nick wanted to fuck? I could still feel the jealousy eating away at me. I needed to hit something.

  As we walked out of the locker room, Josh came up to me, “What the fuck was that all about? You looked like you were going to beat Nick senseless.”

  “I have no fucking idea. I’m fine. It’s just been one shitty ass day,” I said with a frown.

  Josh’s head snapped to me—shock written clear across his face. “Don’t even tell me that you won’t work with Angie because you have the hots for her.”

  “Don’t be an ass. I’m gonna deal with it.” I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, but right now I was way too amped up. I had to work this shit out of my system. I put my headphones in and turned on my workout playlist. The music blared in my ears and for the next hour I beat the shit out of a heavy bag and lifted more than I probably should have.

  Before I knew it Coach had us on the practice field doing sprints. He was extra hard on Josh, but it was Josh’s own fucking fault. He knew Coach always found out when we skipped class. He came up to me out of breath, looking like he’d been hit by a Mac truck. “Fuck, I’m gonna die,” he wheezed.

  I laughed, “Stop bitchin’, it’s your own fault. I told you to get your ass to class.” We made it to the locker room to shower and change. At least I’d managed to work out my frustrations…literally. And hopefully I’d tired myself out enough to sleep through any nightmares.

  Josh walked up to me with a guilty look on his face. I wasn’t sure what that was all about but I was going to find out. “Why do you look like you’re up to something?’

  “Dude, don’t be pissed at me. I’ll wait for you in the car,” he said as we started to walk out to my car. Josh’s car was in the shop and although he gotten a ride to campus for class, I still had to drive him home from practice.

  Wait…what? “Why are you waiting for me? I’m ready to leave. I’ve a shitload of stuff to get done tonight,” I questioned, just as someone stepped into my path. I glanced up and once again I looked into eyes that almost sent me to my knees.

  “What are you doing here?” I snarled at her, sending a look at Josh that told him he’d better watch his back. I was going to fucking kill him. I’d told him I would deal with it.

  “Look, can we just talk for a minute,” she said quietly.

  I tried to get my raging emotions under control. Part of me wanted to k
iss this girl, but the other part of me wanted to run like hell, away from the memories. “I thought I made myself clear earlier. I can’t believe you used my best friend to find me.”

  The anger flared in her eyes. “Dammit, you’re a such a self-absorbed asshole. I want to talk you about the project, nothing else.” She nodded in the direction of my car. “Josh only told me where I could find you.” She pointed her finger straight at me. “You’re the one assuming I want something more from you. I’m a good student, here on a scholarship that I can’t afford to lose.” She put her hands on her hips, her gaze boring into mine. “If I do poorly in this class, I’ll lose it. You’ve no right to judge what type of partner I’ll be. All I know is that I can’t complete this assignment by myself,” she seethed.

  Holy shit…I wasn’t even sure how to respond to her. I guess the only thing I could do was hear her out. She had a point about the scholarship—if I failed this class, I could be kicked off of the team. Football had been my only saving grace the last two years. There was no way I could risk having to go home again. My parents even helped by renting the apartment so I could stay in Ithaca during the summer. “Talk,” I bit out.

  “Fine. I figured out how we can do this project with the least amount of interaction, since for some reason you find me offensive.” she said. She looked uncomfortable and...was that hurt I saw on her face? She looked down, determined to avoid my gaze. Her eyes appeared to focus on something off to my left, but I could tell that she wasn’t really looking at anything in particular.

  I wanted to just walk away from her—far away from those eyes that felt like they could see all of me—but I couldn’t. I had to let her know it wasn’t her, it was me. Oh shit, I sounded like a bad fucking break-up speech.

  Afraid of what might happen if I touched her, I hooked my finger under her chin and made her look at me. That little bit of contact made the desire to kiss her too strong. I pulled my hand away but kept my eyes locked with hers. “Angie, I’m sorry I was an ass earlier. But I’m still not sure I can work with you,” I said with apprehension.

  I knew working with her on the project was probably inevitable because I needed the grade, but that didn’t mean I had to like it.

  There was a bit of trepidation on her face, but I also saw a little bit of hope. I decided to give her a chance, even though it was probably a huge mistake. “Okay, how about this? I meet you at the library tomorrow and we can try and figure this out. But I’m not promising anything.”

  “I’ll take it,” she said enthusiastically. “I’ll prove to you that I’m a great partner. I never leave my group hanging.”

  If only she realized that wasn’t what I was concerned about. “How does one o’clock sound?”

  “I have class until one-thirty, but I can meet you right after?”

  “Fine,” I said looking at her. I knew I had to get out of there, but she seemed to be waiting for something. “Josh is waiting for me,” I told her as I turned to walk away.

  “Thanks, Caleb.”

  I walked over to the car and Josh was already waiting inside. After I got in and started up the car I looked at him. “Thanks for the fucking set up man.” My tone of voice made it clear that I was anything but thankful.

  “Hey, what you getting mad at me for?” Josh’s indignation did nothing to calm me. “Listen you’re the one with the issues Caleb. Is it really such a big deal to work with her on one project?”

  I didn’t know why, but I had a feeling that it would be a big deal.

  A very big deal.

  After I left Caleb at the practice field, I decided to head back to the apartment. I got in the car and leaned my head back on the seat. It had been one of the longest days of my life, at least since I left for college. Not knowing what to expect from Caleb, and my reaction to him, had taken its toll on me. I was used to people making me feel like shit—my dad had been doing it for the better part of my life—but by the age of eleven I tried not to listen to him anymore. Everything was different with Caleb. When I had to admit to him that I knew it was something about me that made him not want us to work together I’d never felt so ashamed in my life. What worried me even more was that I still wasn’t sure why it bothered me. I mean for a moment when he put his hand under my chin to look at him, it felt like he wanted to kiss me as badly as I wanted to kiss him. But just as quickly, the sadness returned to his eyes and he pulled away. Either way, he at least agreed to try and complete the project.

  By the time I’d processed all of this, I had reached my apartment. I knew that the minute I walked in Emily was going to have twenty questions, but I was too tired to deal with a Spanish inquisition. I walked up the stairs into the apartment and—exactly as I’d expected—she was waiting for me on the couch. Luckily our other two roommates were still at work.

  “So, how did it go?” she asked, the minute I stepped through into the apartment.

  “Can I at least get through the door before you start with the twenty questions?” I snapped at her.

  “That good, huh?” she smirked at me.

  I dropped my bag to the floor and flopped down on the couch next to her. “Well let’s just say, even though I looked and felt like a complete ass, he agreed to meet up with me tomorrow so that we could talk about the project.”

  “It’s a start. Now show him what an ass kicker you are. It sucks that Rutledge would make a pairs project our midterm grade, but I’m actually not surprised—we knew she was a hard-ass,” she lamented.

  “I know, there’s nothing we can do about it though. If I fail this project then I fail the course, no matter how well I do on everything else,” I sighed.

  “It’ll be fine, I know you can do it.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to bed, I’ve a raging headache and want nothing more than to forget this craptastic day.”

  “It’s not even seven yet, don’t you want to go out tonight? We always go out on a Thursday,” Emily whined.

  “I know, but not tonight. I need to prove to Caleb that I can finish this project. If I go to bed now, I can get up early and start working on it before my class tomorrow.”

  “Fine, but you are sooooo going to the party with me this weekend to make up for it,” she said as she smirked at me.

  Shit. I always worried about whose party we were going to end up at. Why couldn’t we just go to a bar and drink? I knew this was an argument I was never going to win. “Fine,” I pouted and then headed to my room.

  As I got ready for bed, I thought more about the situation with Caleb. Not only did he have a way of making me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be his partner but I wanted him to kiss me. Where that feeling came from I wasn’t sure—nor was I sure about what would happen tomorrow when I met him in the library. But that was a problem for tomorrow.

  I got in bed and looked around the room. The posters all over the wall reminded me how Emily and I became friends. The posters were of bands like Mumford and Sons and Deathcab for Cutie, along with the movies The Notebook and Ted. We both had eclectic taste in music and liked a variety of movies. They paired us together as roommates during our freshman year, and Emily had become my best friend in a short amount of time. We had so much in common, it would have been hard not to become so close. She was one of the few people who knew about my dad’s drinking problem.

  At the end of the year we decided to stay roommates, but we wanted to move to one of the apartments on campus. So we put in a request and were assigned two roommates, Heather and Jillian. Both were great, but I really didn’t feel like recounting my day with them. That was the other reason I was going to bed instead of going out. Every Thursday the four of us would find a party on campus to go to, and I just wasn’t in the mood for it, or the barrage of questions about why I wasn’t going.

  My mind wandered back to Caleb, but the more I thought about it, the more exhausted I became and eventually I fell asleep, thinking about the look in his eyes.

  When I woke up the next morning, I felt groggy—like I had a han
gover—but I knew it was just the stress of the day before. Once I had a cup of coffee, I would feel better, so I got out of bed and took a shower. After my shower, I threw on my skinny jeans and converse with a stripped long sleeve shirt. I put on a light coating of mascara and left my hair down. As I looked in the mirror, I once again cursed the shit-brown eyes that looked back at me. I definitely got screwed when it came to DNA. My mother had blonde hair and blue eyes, but instead I got Dad’s genes.

  I headed out to the kitchen to start the coffee and opened my books and my laptop on the kitchen counter. I took out the paper describing the assignment. It didn’t look hard, just time consuming. While I drank my coffee and ate a bowl of cereal I did a little research.

  By the time I was ready to leave for class, my roommates had risen and—in their hung-over states—were sitting around gripping their coffee mugs as if their lives depended on it. I on the other hand, had a ton of research to show Caleb, and a definite place we could start. I left for class nervous about my meeting with Caleb, and I knew the next hour and half was going to take forever to pass.

  When psychology was over I headed to the library to wait for Caleb, but was shocked to see that he was already there. I saw him as soon as I walked in the door—he was hard to miss. I had to give Emily credit, he was the hottest guy on campus. He was completely absorbed in whatever he was working on, so he didn’t notice me walk up to him until I set my bag on the table. His head snapped up, and once again I could see a mixture of emotions in those green eyes. There was sadness, but also a hint of desire. I wondered if he’d had the same reaction to me as I had to him when we’d touched. He looked away, his eyes moving back down to his book. It didn’t matter, I just needed to get this assignment done. I didn’t need to add more shit to my plate. After all, I still had spring break looming over my head.

  “Hey Caleb, thanks for meeting me,” I said with a smile.