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  After spending the morning getting the schedule set, I took the platoon out to the obstacle course, even ran it with them. I was beginning to feel the effects of my restless night but knew if I wanted to avoid the nightmares, I’d need to wear myself out again. By the time I left to go back to my apartment, my body was drained. I went home and crashed.

  That’s how the next three days went. I pushed myself to the limit. Whatever it took. I wouldn’t say I slept; more like collapsed. But I didn’t see Nate every time I closed my eyes.

  By the end of the week, I was exhausted. I walked in the door to find Greg on the couch watching TV. He looked up and shook his head when he took in my appearance. There was no doubt in my mind that I looked like shit.

  “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, man. You’ll run yourself into the ground.”

  Dropping down on the couch I leaned back, eyes to the ceiling. “Well, not sleeping isn’t going to help either.”

  “You realize it gets worse with every deployment.”

  “No, it—”

  “Don’t kid yourself, man. You need to talk to someone. I know it ripped Tanner apart when he came back after Nate’s death, but you were there. You wouldn’t be the first person to need help.”

  I lifted my head. “The Army is my whole life. It’s all I’ve ever known—ever wanted. I can’t risk that over a few nightmares.”

  He flicked off the TV. “There’s no way they’d kick you out for talking to someone. That’s why they put people in those posts. It’s only going to get worse, and that’s when it will be a problem—when they force you to talk to someone. Now get up and shower. We’re meeting Tanner and Dani in a half an hour.”

  “Shit.”

  I looked down at my watch. I’d completely forgotten. After pushing myself so hard the last few days I wasn’t sure my body could take it, nor did I want to sit and watch Marissa with another guy. Not when I still couldn’t find the one woman meant for me.

  It wasn’t like I hadn’t been looking. At first I tried the bars, going out most nights, drinking, going home with different girls. Then one night I hooked up with Marissa. We’d both been drinking, but we figured it worked. After we broke up—and I used that term loosely because we were never officially a couple, despite what Danielle thought—I went back to searching, but never with any luck.

  I hadn’t told anyone apart from Greg about the nightmares, and what I hadn’t even confessed to him was my fear of being alone if something ever happened to me. I wanted to have what Tanner and Dani had, not a few dates with a night or two between the sheets. I wanted forever. And going through everything I had with Nate, I was afraid I wouldn’t find it before my luck ran out.

  I finished showering and changing with no time to spare. Greg had offered to drive and I was more than happy to let him. Greg was supposed to head out to the range the next afternoon. At some point we were all required to spend three days out there. More time to train when you didn’t have to travel to the site every day. I could see why he would want to be the designated driver. I was more than ready to have a few drinks and forget about my week.

  We walked through the door of one of my favorite bars in the area, spotting Tanner and Danielle already at a high-top near the bar, a pitcher of beer in the center.

  “What took you so long?” Danielle asked when she spotted us.

  She hopped down from the stool and wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me in for a hug. It was good to see her again. To be honest, I’d been avoiding her because of all the shit with Marissa. I figured if I didn’t see her, she couldn’t try and get us back together.

  “Sorry we’re late,” Greg said. “Crazy here”—he pointed his thumb in my direction—“thinks that pushing himself to breaking point is a great idea, so he got back from training late.”

  “Don’t do that. I miss you when you don’t hang out or visit.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I’ll be around more. Besides the little guy needs to know his Uncle Colin.” I smirked.

  Danielle rolled her eyes.

  “It’s Uncle Colin now? I seem to remember there being only one uncle,” a voice taunted from behind me.

  Glancing over my shoulder I saw Liam, Danielle’s brother, walking up to the table, a tall blonde on his arm.

  “Yep, Uncle Colin,” I taunted.

  Liam began to laugh.

  “Nate’s favorite uncle.”

  That sobered him up pretty quickly. He held up both hands, palms out. “Whoa, now. Slow the train down. I’ll let you be Uncle too, but I will always be the favorite uncle.”

  I clasped him on the back. “Oh, I know. It’s just fun to get you all riled up.” I held out my hand to the blonde. “I’m Colin . . . and you are?”

  She smiled. “Caroline. And I’ve heard all about you.”

  “Oh really, what have you heard? I assume he told you what a great dancer I am,” I said with a wink.

  She turned her head to Liam. “You weren’t kidding when you said he was a flirt.”

  I pressed a hand against my chest. “You told her I was a flirt?”

  “Ass. Don’t put on a show.”

  I laughed. “All right, all right. Since you seemed determined to ruin my fun, I’ll behave. It’s nice to meet you, Caroline.” I winked.

  Caroline and Liam took seats at the table next to Greg and Tanner, who were heavy into a conversation about our upcoming deployment, a conversation I didn’t want to have on a night out. Glancing around for Danielle, I saw her listening to their conversation, the color draining from her face. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “Let’s get a drink.”

  She eyed me and the pitcher, before looking back and nodding. We stepped up to the bar and waited for the bartender to take our order.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked when I had her full attention.

  “Yeah,” she said, looking everywhere but at me.

  I took hold of her shoulders and moved her so she had no choice but to meet my gaze. “Don’t do that. I know when you’re hiding something.”

  She sighed. “This is the first deployment since Nate was born.

  She didn’t have to say any more. It wasn’t hard to figure out what she was thinking. Danielle had trouble with each deployment. After Nate died, I’d spent so much time worrying about her and helping her pull herself out of the hole she was in, I couldn’t blame her not wanting to send her second husband into danger. But now he wasn’t just her husband—he was the father of their child too.

  I pulled her into my arms. “It’ll be okay.” It wasn’t enough, but it was all I could offer. If only there were something I could promise. Tanner’s role as a medic made him safer than most. While they went on missions with us, they usually held back from the frontline fighting.

  “You don’t know that.”

  “No, but we’ve talked about this before. Tanner and Greg are medics.”

  “I know, but then I still worry about you.

  “Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

  “But you—”

  “Danielle, stop. You can’t do this to yourself every time we leave. Tanner, Greg, and I are in for life. Enlisting wasn’t something we did for a few years so we could go to college when we got out. This is our career. I know it’s not easy to watch us leave, especially Tanner, but you’ll eat yourself up worrying about things you can’t change. You’re right, I don’t know everything will be okay, but I will promise that I’ll do everything in my power to make sure Tanner comes home to you.”

  Her arms tightened around my waist. “You’re always there when I need you,” she said, her voice muffled by my shirt.

  When I pulled back, her eyes were glassy. “You’re like my sister. What else would I do?”

  She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. She glanced up to the ceiling, blinking rapidly, probably trying to push the tears back. I gave her a moment, looking up and noticing Marissa standing at the table, a guy next to her.

  “M
arissa’s here.”

  Danielle looked over her shoulder. “I’m guessing you don’t want to meet Jim.”

  I shook my head. “Meeting Jim is fine with me. I tried to tell you Marissa and I know we aren’t each other’s happily ever after. Let me grab a drink and I’ll be right over.”

  She nodded. “Okay.” She started to leave and turned back. “Liam is my brother by blood, but you’re my brother too.”

  I smiled and watched her walk back to the group and hug Marissa. They’d been best friends since high school. Wouldn’t life have been easy if we could have made it work? Marissa and I had heat, but I didn’t just want a body to warm my bed. I wanted explosions and fire.

  A drink was a definite necessary before I went back to talk to everyone. I needed a beer and something stronger to get through the night. The bartender finally stopped and asked what I wanted and when he stepped away to get the drinks, my eyes were drawn across the bar.

  Bang!

  Chapter 3

  Colin

  The woman was gorgeous. Light brown hair falling slightly past her shoulders, high cheekbones, and full lips. I’d hazard a guess her eyes were stunning too, but was hard to see them in the dimly lit room.

  Almost like she felt my eyes on her, she glanced up and I was caught in her gaze, which lingered a little longer than I expected. Someone tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention. She turned back to her friends, but I noticed her eyes wandering over to me every few moments, while I waited to get my drink. Whatever the night held, I planned on introducing myself to her at some point.

  Throwing back the shot, I dropped the glass on the bar and picked up the bottle of beer the bartender left. Time was up, I needed to pay the piper. The moment I turned toward the table, I locked eyes with Marissa. Meeting my replacement was not exactly the way I wanted the night to start, but if she’d found someone who made her happy I would be happy too.

  “Hi, Colin,” she said when I stepped up next to the table.

  If I wasn’t stuck in the middle it would have been comical to see Tanner, Greg, and Danielle all turn toward us, their heads swiveling back and forth between us like we were on some daytime talk show and chairs were about to be thrown.

  “Hi, Marissa. It’s good to see you again.”

  She smiled and walked over to give me a hug. “You too. I miss our chats.”

  She pulled back and I lifted a brow. “I hear you haven’t had much time for them lately.”

  She smirked. “Not really.” Taking my hand, she led me over to the man she came in with. “Jim, this is my good friend, Colin.

  I held out my hand for him to shake, noticing his eyes assessing me. Was I friend or foe? He took my hand with his. Whatever he read in my expression must have set his mind at ease.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Jim.”

  “Marissa’s told me a lot about you.”

  Probably less than half of it.

  “All good things, I hope.”

  He nodded. “All good things.”

  Marissa smiled and I could see how happy she seemed with him. It felt good to know she was in a good place, with a man she obviously cared about. There was a light tap on my shoulder. “Excuse me,” I said, letting his hand go.

  Greg wanted something. “What’s up?” I asked.

  He laughed. “The girl at the bar can’t keep her eyes off you. Now would be a good time to talk to her.”

  Danielle leaned in, away from Tanner, to throw in her two cents. “Talk to her. You never know.”

  She might have given up on Marissa and I together, but it appeared that didn’t mean she’d given up entirely. “Not right now. Let’s just hang out and celebrate.”

  She smiled. I could tell by the way her mouth opened then closed again and the way she fidgeted with her fingers she wanted to say more, but decided against it. Letting the conversation build all around me, I made sure to peek over at the brunette, who still stood next to the bar.

  Every once in a while, I caught her staring back.

  My bottle emptied, I went back to the bar for a refill. I flagged down a bartender and ordered another round. I waited for my drink, leaning on the bar. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone step up beside me. Expecting Danielle or Marissa asking for another round, I turned and was surprised to find myself face to face with the woman from earlier.

  “Hi.” She leaned sideways against the bar. “You don’t look like you’re having a lot of fun tonight.”

  I smiled. “I can honestly say that as of right now, my night has improved greatly.”

  Her shoulders shook with laughter. “That was the cheesiest line in history, but you’re hot so I’ll give you a pass.”

  “Well then, since I’m already one cheesy line in, how about you tell me your name.”

  “Josephine, but my friends call me Joey.”

  “Joey, I like that.” And I really did. I’d only been talking to her for a few moments but it seemed like the perfect fit. “I’m Colin.”

  “Nice to meet you, Colin. Now why don’t you tell me the real reason you look like you can’t wait to leave?”

  I shook my head at her brazenness. “You don’t give up, do you?”

  “Not when I want to get my way.”

  When I didn’t say anything she lifted her hand in a “go on” motion. What was there to say? That I was deploying in about a month and the nightmares I always had were back, or that my friends were finally happy and I was still searching for the one person to make me happy?

  I wanted to forget all of my worries, if only for one night. I didn’t want to be a soldier—just a guy out for a good time.

  Pushing everything to the back of my mind, I stood and gestured to the stool beside me. “I’m stuck in my head tonight.”

  Pulling out the stool, she took a seat. “Oh really? That’s not much of an answer, but I guess that’s all I’m going to get.” She dropped a twenty on the bar and flagged down the bartender, who set the beer I’d ordered in front of me.

  I pulled out the stool next to hers and sat down. Something about this woman had intrigued me from the moment I set eyes on her. She was quick witted and didn’t pull any punches, both things that made me a little more interested with every passing minute. And while I wanted to talk to her more, I did not want to deal with all of the shit floating around my head. I decided it was best to tell her a little part of the story, then maybe we could move on to something more interesting.

  Something about her.

  I picked up my beer and took a drink. “It’s my job that’s giving me all the grief.”

  She looked over with a raised brow. “That’s funny, because I would have guessed it was the brunette over there. The one you can’t keep your eyes off.”

  We paused briefly as the bartender set down her drink. I waited for him to leave before saying, “Observant, but no. Marissa is a friend. We thought we could be more at one time, but we both know it’s not for us. If you’d really been paying attention, you’d know that the one I can’t my eyes off tonight is you.”

  “Me?” She raised her hand to her chest. I had a feeling that it was a show and that she’d seen me watching her throughout the night, otherwise, why come over and talk to me?

  “I thought you didn’t play games. Don’t pretend you didn’t see me.”

  “Oh, I saw you. Why do you think I’m over here? I’m curious about the man who’s been watching me all night.”

  “Not much to tell.” I shrugged, taking another drink.

  “How about you start with that job you have?” She picked up her drink and took a sip.

  She watched me, waiting for an answer, something I definitely wasn’t ready to give her. Then again, I had a feeling if I brushed off her question, she’d walk away and that was something I didn’t want to happen. I wouldn’t lie to her, but I didn’t need to give all of the details either. “I work for the government.”

  “Ah, too much bureaucracy and bullshit?”

  I twisted the bottle
in my hands. “Something like that.” I knew I was being vague, but it was better than digging into my head this close to deployment. A change of subject was in order before we got too close to the truth. “What do you do?”

  She fidgeted in her seat. Weird.

  “I work at a local airport.”

  “A flight attendant?”

  It was her turn to shrug and take a drink. “Sometimes.”

  Maybe she was ashamed of her job? “Sounds like a pretty cool job to me. Getting to see all different countries.”

  “I guess you could look at it that way.” She downed the rest of her drink and ordered another.

  “It seems that neither of us wants to talk about work, so how about we discuss something else?”

  She laughed and the sound floated through me. It was soft and sweet. Such a contrast to the blunt, direct woman who approached me a little bit ago.

  I couldn’t help but chuckle in response. “I don’t know. Did you grow up around here?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I moved here when I was eighteen. I’m originally from Indiana.”

  “That sounds familiar. I moved here when I was twenty, but I left my parents in Maryland when I graduated high school.”

  She smiled. “Plan on staying, or moving on?”

  “Oh, I’ll be here for a while.” I thought about the choice I made to be a Ranger. With the specialized unit we’d been assigned to, we were permanently stationed in Georgia. With only about six months between each deployment, they didn’t want to hold up the rotation waiting for people to move in and out all of the time. We only had to worry about the newbies and the retirees moving on. But I didn’t say any of that out loud.

  “I’m not sure how long I’ll stay. I hope it’s a while. I like it here. There’s a great view some places.” Her eyes traveled up and down my body. Now I knew how women felt when men stared at their bodies, but unlike some women, I enjoyed her gaze on me.

  She glanced over her shoulder. I followed her gaze to see Marissa dancing with Jim. When she looked back at me, I saw the question in her eyes and I knew what she would ask before the words even left her lips.