Play Me (Jaded Ivory Book 5) Page 11

  “See, they’re not so bad, right?” Jackson whispered in my ear.

  I turned to face him, getting caught in his icy blue gaze. His tone sent a shiver down my spine.

  “No,” I said, slipping my tongue out to wet my lips. His eyes dropped to my lips, following the path of my tongue before coming back up to meet mine. I ignored the thundering of my heart in my chest. “They’re really nice.”

  “Does that mean you’ll stop avoiding me?”

  “I wasn’t avoiding you,” I lied. I knew better. Apparently Jackson didn’t. This idea that we could go from talk of getting married to hanging out as friends seemed insane. I didn’t think it would be that easy. I still loved him. I had for the last seven years.

  He finally understood why I left, but that didn’t change who we once were to each other. Or even the way my body reacted to his. He didn’t seem to realize his own body’s reaction to mine.

  I hadn’t given him my number to avoid us going down that path again. From the beginning, my reason for wanting to see him had been to give him the truth. I wouldn’t let my emotions put us in a place neither of us needed to go. He had his life and I had mine. Spending time with him only broke down more of the walls I’d erected to protect myself when I saw him again.

  His brow arched. “Really?”

  I sighed. He knew me as well as I knew him. I thought maybe our years apart would make it harder for him to read me.

  Apparently not.

  “No. I just don’t know that us being friends is a good idea.”

  “Why not? And I don’t want to hear about two different lives and money. I can see in your eyes there’s more to it than that. Be honest with me.”

  I glanced around out of the corner of my eye, hoping no one else paid a damn bit of attention to the conversation going on between us.

  A few sets of eyes peeked over every once in a while, but no one seemed to be flat out staring, waiting to hear what we had to say. Still, I moved close and lowered my voice.

  Either I would feel like a complete idiot or Jackson would see my point and let it go after tonight.

  “I don’t think we can be just friends.”

  His mouth moved into a thin line. “I thought you said you didn’t tell me all of this to get back together with me?”

  “Exactly. I didn’t, which is why I don’t think being friends is a good idea. I think neither of us can do that.”

  “I can—”

  I narrowed my eyes, thinking about the way his gaze had followed my tongue just a few moments ago. “Are you sure about that?”

  He looked taken aback. I’d been right. He hadn’t realized the way he watched me. “Yes. What happened between us was another lifetime ago. It’s long in the past.”

  Two choices.

  Either sit there and argue it out with him and still find myself in the same position. Or make my excuses and leave and piss him off in the process.

  I stood. Mari’s head snapped in my direction. “Thank you for inviting me to hang out. I’ve got to get up early in the morning for work.”

  After a quick goodbye to everyone and before Liz and Diana could call me out on my lie, I bolted for the door not giving Jackson the chance to stop me. The night air filled my lungs as I breathed in deep. Being around Jackson, his cologne overtaking my senses, made it hard to think rationally.

  I was proud of myself for holding my ground. My keys were buried in the bottom of my bag and I stopped to dig them out. A hand landed on my arm, spinning me to face whoever grabbed me. I braced my foot back, prepared to drop it to the ground, when I realized Jackson stood in front of me.

  “What are you doing out here?” I asked, shaking his hand loose.

  “Me? I’m trying to figure out why the hell you’re running away from me again.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Running away? I’m going home to bed.”

  “Bullshit.” He crossed his arms over his chest, blocking my view of the parking lot.

  I could move around him, but he’d just follow me to my car. Time to put it all out there and maybe he’d finally get why we couldn’t be friends.

  “What do you want me to say? I’m leaving because you don’t get it.”

  “What don’t I get?” He narrowed his eyes.

  “That life isn’t as simple as you want it to be. Can you honestly tell me we could hang out together and all we’d be is friends?”

  “Of course we can. Why couldn’t we?”

  “Did you miss the way you watched my lips tonight? Your mind may be telling you it’s fine, but your other brain is telling you something else.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t stare at your lips.”

  I threw my hands up in the air. “Never one to admit when you’re wrong. You just pretend like everything will go the way you want it to. I’d hate to break it to you, life doesn’t work that way. Life isn’t—”

  My words were cut off by Jackson’s lips capturing mine. The taste of beer lingered on his mouth as he continued to devour mine. The warmth of his body surrounded me and I ceased to think, my mind traveling back to a time when the only worry we had was our plans for the night.

  His tongue slid over my lips. I parted them, letting him slip inside my mouth as I fisted my hands in his shirt. Heart racing, I held him tighter to me, letting the memories win out over common sense for the moment.

  A small voice in the back of my head whispered this was a bad idea. Slowly, the voice grew louder and louder, until I came back to my senses and shoved Jackson away from me.

  “Why did you do that?” I asked, my chest heaving with each breath.

  “It always seemed to work when we argued before.” Jackson panted.

  I leaned my head against the wall he’d backed us into at some point. “And this is why we can’t be just friends.”

  He dragged his thumb over his lips, almost as if he just realized what he’d done. “I…” he started.

  Needing to get the hell out of there, I used his momentary confusion to bolt around him to my car. I climbed inside, started the car, and backed out of the space in mere seconds.

  When I saw Jackson moving through the parking lot, I slammed my foot on the gas, throwing me back against the seat. Fight or flight. Fighting got me nowhere. Time to flee.

  I drove for a while before the racing of my heart became too much and I had to pull over. I’d never make it home in one piece if I hadn’t.

  The road swam before me.

  The one thing I’d avoided since seeing Jackson. The one thing I knew would make me want more from him than just forgiveness. And it was not even my lack of self-control that sent us down the wrong path.

  I lifted shaking fingers to my mouth. I could still remember the way his lips felt against mine. Something I thought about a lot overseas, but not something I imagined myself ever feeling again.

  Along with it came the longing for something more. I’d wanted Jackson from the moment I’d met him outside of a café. Nothing had changed that, even if I hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself for a long time.

  Tonight, he forced me to see that want when there would be nothing for me to do about it.

  The road shimmered before my eyes, as I put the car in drive and slowly merged back onto the road.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  I shouldn’t have danced with him.

  Jackson had spent too many years hating me to understand what kind of havoc kissing me would cause.

  A tear slipped down my cheek. I brushed it away. No way would I let myself go down that rabbit hole again.

  I turned into the parking lot at my apartment complex and killed the engine.

  The flickering streetlamp taunted me. Dark for a moment, then offering up a bit of light before going dark again. Kind of like my relationship with Jackson. The light burned bright for so long, until it went out. Now one kiss had all those emotions flickering back to life.

  For me anyway.

  Climbing out of the car, I resolved to rebui
ld my walls. We lived in a big enough city that we could avoid one another. At least I’d do my best to avoid him. The media that followed his every move would help.

  By the time I unlocked the door to my apartment, the mental and physical exhaustion of the night had taken its toll.

  I kicked my shoes off by the door and padded to the stool at the island counter. The soft cushions of the couch called my name, but I ignored it. With the weariness in my bones, I’d fall asleep on there in no time. Turning to the stood, I dropped down onto it and grabbed my phone from my purse to text Diana and Liz. I had a lot of explaining to do when I went back to work.

  There were fifteen messages from an unknown number on my screen. All from the time I’d left the bar.

  Unknown: Megan, you can’t walk away like that.

  Jackson.

  I programmed the number into my phone. At least then I would know when he called.

  Me: I can and I did.

  Jackson: We need to talk about this. We can be friends.

  Me: There’s nothing to talk about. I’m pretty sure tonight proved we can’t be friends.

  The phone sat silently in my hand. I stared at it like a snake that might bite me at any moment. The ringtone echoed around the silent apartment.

  Jackson: I’m sorry I kissed you.

  And there it was, the reason I wasn’t sure I could handle being friends with him. I knew some people would say take whatever you could get to have him in your life, but my mind didn’t work that way. It would always want more than I could have. I’d always wonder if there was a chance and compare every date I went on to him. I had his forgiveness and now it was time to move on and start living my life again.

  Before he could say anything else, trying to persuade me to be a part of his life as a friend, I turned the phone off and left it on the kitchen counter.

  Time for the self-preservation to begin.

  15

  Megan

  After shutting off the lights in the living room, I shuffled down the hall to my bedroom. The emotional toll of the evening had been as tough as a physical workout in the gym. My limbs seemed to weigh a ton as I slipped out of my dress and pulled on my pajamas. As I brushed my teeth and stared into the mirror, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.

  The deep, dark circles under her eyes, frown lines at the corners of her mouth, and the slumped set of her shoulders all told me I needed sleep. Sleep and to push Jackson into the back of my mind.

  A night out with friends had turned into the worst possible scenario. Not only seeing Jackson and having him remind me how much I still cared about him, but now I would have to answer a million questions from Diana and Liz at work in a few days. And I knew better than to think that any one of them would give up until they got all the answers.

  I trudged into the bedroom and fell onto the bed, barely pulling up the covers as my head hit the pillow. It didn’t take long for my lids to close and for me to fall into a deep slumber.

  The bass thrummed through my body, holding me captive to the music, even though my back was cold. I promised I’d have fun over break. Leslie joined me a few moments later, a red plastic cup in each hand.

  “Here, this will help you keep your mind off your missing man.”

  I took the cup from her, the red liquid swirling around inside. “I’m sure this will keep my mind off everything besides sleeping on the bathroom floor.”

  She smirked and lifted the cup to her lips. “Bottom’s up.”

  I followed her lead and wanted to gag on the sugary sweetness as it slid down my throat. Nothing worse than a drink you couldn’t taste the alcohol in. At least the parties at school usually had beer, when I actually went to one.

  Sweat dripped down my neck as the beat of the music picked up. My hips moved in time with it when the front door of the house burst open, slamming into the wall. I jumped and spun around, everyone on the dance floor crowding closer as the cops walked farther into the room.

  “Bring ’em out to the van. We’ll have their parents pick them up at the station,” the officer in the front said, gesturing to us with his hand.

  Shit. Underage drinking. My parents were going to kick my ass. I set the cup down and followed the officer out of the house as they lined us up on the sidewalk, separating the boys from the girls.

  One of the police officers led us over to a van waiting on the street. As I climbed in, the officer put a hand in front, stopping me.

  “Miss, I’m going to need you to step down for a second.”

  Confused, I climbed down. “Is everything okay?”

  “I need to see your purse.”

  “Umm…okay.” I pulled the strap over my head. There was something white on the side of my bag.

  “Has this bag been with you the entire time?”

  “Yeah. I’ve had it over my shoulder like it was.”

  The police officer took the bag from my hand and reached into the side pocket. He pulled his hand out and between his fingers were three small baggies filled with a white powder.

  “What is that?”

  The officer ignored my request and waved another officer over. He held the bags out to the second officer who took them and walked back to one of the patrol cars.

  I didn’t want to get in more trouble, but I wanted to know what was happening. For some reason there had been three small bags of what looked to be drugs in my purse. But I knew they weren’t mine.

  “Sir, please. Where did those bags come from and what are they?”

  He continued to ignore me, watching the other officer who eventually raised his hands in a thumbs up gesture. The officer standing next to me narrowed his eyes. “Miss, I’m going to need you to turn around.”

  “You didn’t answer my questions.”

  Another officer came over and took hold of my shoulder, turning me to face the other direction.

  “Miss, you are under arrest for possession of an illegal substance. You have the right to remain silent…”

  His words were drowned out by the screaming in my head. Illegal substance? I’d never seen those bags before.

  “Illegal substance? What is that?” I turned my head as my hands were tugged behind my back and cold metal wrapped around the skin of my wrist.

  The cop who pushed me to face the van spoke. “That is heroin and the reason why your night is going to get a whole lot worse.”

  With one hand on my bicep, he walked me over to one of the patrol cars sitting in the driveway. That was when I noticed Jackson leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “How could you do this to us?” he asked. “You’ve ruined everything. All of our plans for the future.”

  His lip curled into a sneer as he pushed up and away from the car.

  “Jackson, please come back. It’s not mine.”

  The police officer pushed me toward the open door as I watched Jackson walk away.

  “Jackson,” I begged, as a hand landed on my head, pushing me down into the vehicle. “Please.”

  He stopped and glanced over his shoulder. “Ruin your own life. I won’t let you ruin mine.”

  I jolted upright, remnants of the dream still trying to hold me down. Clutching at my chest, I tried to catch my breath. The dream brought out all my fears. Fears about what could’ve happened had he known the truth from the beginning. Fears about getting too close and getting my heart broken again. All because Jackson thought we could be friends. Crazy. I knew we couldn’t, and I think somewhere deep down he knew it too.

  At least I hoped he figured it out when I stopped answering his messages before I’d come to bed. Sweat slid down my temple. I threw the covers off and climbed out of bed.

  On my way to the kitchen for a glass of water, pieces of the dream floated to the surface. I pushed it to the back of my mind.

  It was just a dream.

  It was just a dream.

  I reminded myself over and over again. Nightmares hadn’t plagued me since the first time I came home f
rom oversees. Why would the dreams come back and how did Jackson end up with a starring role?

  Not bothering with the lights, I flipped on the faucet, filling a glass. A knock sounded on the door, making me jump and dump water all over my hand.

  Who the hell was here at three in the morning?

  I grabbed a dishtowel on my way to the door, drying off my hand. Leaning up on my toes, I peered into the peephole and took an automatic step back.

  Jackson.

  Diana or Liz were going to get their asses kicked for telling him where I lived. Knowing Jackson, he gave them that flirty smile and they caved in seconds.

  “Megan, please open the door. I know you’re there.”

  I shook my head. No way would I let him know I stood behind the door.

  He knocked again.

  “I heard you gasp. Please let me in. We need to talk.”

  “I can’t.” The images in my mind still freaked me out. The hatred on his face and the way he walked away from me even as I tried to explain. It got harder to draw breath in. I needed to get out of there. Away from Jackson. Away from the memories that haunted me when I closed my eyes.

  Between the nightmare and the kiss, I didn’t stand a chance if I opened that door.

  “You can. Let me in. I can hear the tremor in your voice.”

  “Jackson, please don’t do this to me.” My hands shook and I clenched them into fists at my sides.

  “Let me help. You might be able to convince someone else. Not me. Something happened since you left the bar.”

  I thought about leaving him at the door and going back into my room. Away from it all.

  “Megan, I’m not leaving until you let me in. Even if that means I sit out here all night.”

  I sucked in a breath and reached out a shaky hand to turn the locks and open the door.

  Jackson, still dressed in his clothes from earlier, had both hands braced on the doorframe above. At least until he got a good look at my face and pushed into the apartment, immediately wrapping me in his embrace.

  He held me tightly, the steady beat of his heart making me feel safe. I heard the door closing somewhere in the distance, but I didn’t for the life of me step away from Jackson’s warmth.